Rockingham Remembered
Short Stories
Wife 1.0 Software
Dear Tech Support:

Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife
1.0. I soon noticed that the new program began
unexpected child processing that took up a lot of
space and valuable resources.

In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other
programs and now monitors all other system activity.

Applications such as Poker Night 10.3, Football 5.0,
Hunting and Fishing 7.5, and Racing 3.6 no longer
run, crashing the system whenever selected. I can't
seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while
attempting to run my favourite applications. I'm
thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0, but the
uninstall doesn't work on Wife 1.0.

Please help!

Thanks,

A Troubled User.


REPLY:

Dear Troubled User:

This is a very common problem that men complain
about.

Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife
1.0, thinking that it is just a Utilities and
Entertainment program.

Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed
by its Creator to run EVERYTHING!!! It is also
impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to
Girlfriend 7.0. It is impossible to uninstall, or purge
the program files from the system once installed.

You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife
1.0 is designed to not allow this.

Look in your Wife 1.0 manual under
"Warnings-Alimony/Child Support". I recommend that
you keep Wife 1.0 and work on improving the
situation. I suggest installing the background
application "Yes Dear" to alleviate software
augmentation.

The best course of action is to enter the command C:
\ APOLOGIZE. Because ultimately you will have to
give the APOLOGIZE command before the system will
return to normal anyway.

Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very
high maintenance. Wife 1.0 comes with several
support programs, such as Clean and Sweep 3.0, Cook
It 1.5 and Do Bills 4.2.

However, be very careful how you use these
programs. Improper use will cause the system to
launch the program Nag Nag 9.5. Once this happens,
the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0
is to purchase additional software. I recommend
Flowers 2.1 and Diamonds 5.0 !

WARNING!!!

DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Secretary
With Short Skirt 3.3. This application is not
supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible
damage to the operating system.


Best of luck,
Tech Support