| So What Is A Bubba? written by Lane Hudson |
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| “Bubba” is a name you earn, not give yourself. However, last year, Raymond Allen Gray, Jr., a 39-year-old Springfield, Ill. native, legally changed not only his first name, but his middle and last names to Bubba. Raymond Allen Gray is now officially Bubba Bubba Bubba (sounds like a slogan for a kid’s chewing gum). If Gray is a true Bubba, I’ll quit eating grits forever. Now, I’ve never been called Bubba, but I have known enough of them to make some observations. First, it is a nickname that God only intended Southern men to give to one another when appropriate. There is one exception to this rule: the name Bubba can be given at birth by a Southern momma to any baby boy weighing more than 10 pounds. When this happens, predestination goes to work, creating a work-in-progress until full Bubbahood is attained. If Bubbahood is not attained, then another name is substituted, like Charles. However, for those not officially named Bubba, here are the three ways to qualify. First, to be called a Bubba is a sign you’re accepted by other men. You’ll never hear a woman call a man Bubba. The greeting starts with a head nod, followed by a sarcastic laugh, and then the salutation: “Well, here comes Bubba!” A former neighbor, a transplant from Iowa , lived in the South for almost six years before a co-worker called him Bubba. “I felt like I finally fit in down here,” he told me gleefully. Second, to be called a Bubba requires certain physical and personality characteristics. Hoss Cartwright of Bonanza fame certainly would have qualified as a Bubba. Not Little Joe, or Adam, or even Ben Cartwright, only Hoss. Burly, affable, strong, and somewhat naïve, a Bubba is easygoing, tells jokes, slaps backs, and is always willing to pull a friend out of a ditch. There is something else about a Bubba who fits this description. You suspect there is an underlying strength of extraordinary proportions if he has to defend his momma, his country, or his dog. His friendliness is just a cover up. Third, you may be called a Bubba if you behave like a man half your age, doing things like fighting and chasing 20-year-old women. The qualifier is you must execute said behavior in the spirit of having good wholesome fun. For instance, I have two friends who are both Bubba material because of their adolescent impulsive acts. Although not college material, and 40 years old, they wanted to go to Spring Break at Daytona to check out the coeds. Before leaving town, they visited their favorite watering hole on Hwy 74 for one last night of partying. To no one’s surprise, a fistfight inside the bar spilled into the parking lot. Unfortunately, the windshield of their Jeep Cherokee was shattered in the brawl. But, still determined to see drunken bikini clad college coeds, they finished breaking out their Jeep’s windshield, then purchased plastic safety glasses and bandanas at a Wal-Mart. Wearing the safety glasses to shield their eyes, and the bandanas to keep bugs out of their teeth, my 40-something Bubba friends drove 10 hours, without a windshield, to Florida on Interstate 95. Is Raymond Gray a Bubba? No, Raymond Gray is no Bubba, not even with three Bubbas in his name. |