| The Senility Prayer |
| God grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, the good fortune to run into the ones that I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference. Now that I'm 'older' (but refuse to grow up), here's what I've discovered: ONE - I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it. TWO - My wild oats have turned into prunes and All Bran. THREE - I finally got my head together; now my body is falling apart. FOUR - Funny, I don't remember being absent minded. FOUR - Funny, I don't remember being absent minded. FIVE - All reports are in; life is now officially unfair. SIX - If all is not lost, where the hell is it? SEVEN - It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser. EIGHT - Some days you're the dog; some days you're the hydrant. NINE - I wish the buck stopped here; I sure could use a few. TEN - Kids in the back seat cause accidents. ELEVEN - Accidents in the back seat cause kids. TWELVE - It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere. THIRTEEN - The only time the world beats a path to your door is when you're in the bathroom. FOURTEEN - If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would have put them on my knees. FIFTEEN - When I'm finally holding all the cards, why does everyone decide to play chess? SIXTEEN - It's not hard to meet expenses ... they're everywhere. SEVENTEEN - The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth. EIGHTEEN - These days, I spend a lot of time thinking about the hereafter... I go somewhere to get something and then wonder what I'm here after. NINETEEN - I AM UNABLE TO REMEMBER IF I HAVE SENT THIS TO YOU BEFORE OR NOT |
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