| Living Between Questions and Answers written by Lane Hudson |
| Nature has a cruel way of reminding us who’s really in control. Bobi and Don love one another; its obvious. In their late 60’s, Bobi shares their story as Don holds her hand. They sit close on the flowered overstuffed couch in their living room. His soft eyes twinkle and his slight smile is permanent. He doesn’t initiate much conversation, but responds when spoken to, answering in short, but pleasant, responses. As Don rises to go to the kitchen for a cup of coffee, Bobi tells him, “Remember Don, you like a little cream and sugar in your coffee.” “He doesn’t remember how to do things anymore,” she says matter-of- factly, without irritation.. “Since his heart attack last year, I have to remind him of everything.” Don just listens to Bobi’s explanation and smiles. Bobi has become Don’s memory. She is the history book, encyclopedia, and timepiece for a man who can keep a train of thought for only a few minutes. “You’re the sugar of my life,” he says to her, leaving the room. He turns and asks me a fourth time if I want coffee. For the fourth time, I say “no, thank you”. Bobi points to a note on the inside of the front door: it reads -- “Don, do not go outside without telling someone. I love you.” Five years ago, Don was a driven, highly successful self-made man: one of those whose motto could have been: “lead, follow, or get out of the way.” According to Bobi, he was the “Type A Personality Poster Child”: impatient, intense, driven, competitive, and controlling. Others can’t work fast enough or hard enough to suit Type A personalities; they ride your car bumper at 65 mph, waiting to charge around you as if you’re driving 35. Airport concourses are full of them studying their palm pilots, rushing to catch the next flight. His hard work did yield handsome dividends though, enough so that he gave homes to each of his three children, all built within sight of him; all built on his property. Unfortunately, Type A personalities don’t leave their obsessive behavior at work, and according to Bobi, the family was not spared his need for intensity and control. She said there was increasing tension and family quarrels over the years. But then Mother Nature introduced a road block. Type A personalities are prone to heart attacks. “We found him on the kitchen floor after a heart attack,” Bobi said. “When the medics arrived, they hit his chest 13 times with electric jolts to restart his heart. Thank goodness the last jolt worked.” Bobi became emotional, “Unfortunately, we didn’t get all of him back.” Don returned with his coffee, and a cup for me. “You wanted cream and sugar, right Lane?” Because Don’s brain was without oxygen for several minutes, he suffered irreparable memory damage. “If I ask you for money,” he joked, “You’ve never get it back. I’ll swear I never asked for it.” Bobi squeezed his hand. “Why do you need money?” she said. “You’ve got me.” Don lowered his head. “I couldn’t make it without my Bobi,” he says. “I just a dummy now. I can’ t even drive.” It is sad. Don will live the rest of his life between questions and answers, trusting others for his safekeeping. From full control to no control, in just five minutes: Mother Nature sometimes is cruel when reminding us who’s really in control. |
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