| From The Mouths of Babes Children Say The Darndest Things |
Subject: CHURCH JOKES
Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl
whispered to her mother, "Why is the bride dressed in
white?" "Because white is the color of happiness, and
today is the happiest day of her life." The child thought
about this for a moment, then said, "So why is the groom
wearing black?"
A little girl, dressed in her Sunday best, was running as
fast as she could, trying not to be late for Bible class. As
she ran she prayed, "Dear Lord, please don't let me be
late! Dear Lord, please don't let me be late!" While she
was running and praying, she tripped on a curb and fell,
getting her clothes dirty and tearing her dress. She got
up, brushed herself off, and started running again. As
she ran she once again began to pray, "Dear Lord, please
don't let me be late...But please don't shove me either!"
A little girl became restless as the preacher's sermon
dragged on and on. Finally, she leaned over to her
mother and whispered, "Mommy, if we give him the
money now, will he let us go?"
Three boys are in the school yard bragging about their
fathers. The first boy says, "My Dad scribbles a few
words on a piece of paper, he calls it a poem, they give
him $50." The second boy says, "That's nothing. My Dad
scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a
song, they give him $100." The third boy says, "I got you
both beat. My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of
paper, he calls it a sermon. And it takes eight people to
collect all the money!"
An elderly woman died last month. Having never married,
she requested no male pallbearers. In her handwritten
instructions for her memorial service, she wrote, "They
wouldn't take me out while I was alive, I don't want them
to take me out when I'm dead.
A Sunday school teacher asked the children just before
she dismissed them to go to church, "And why is it
necessary to be quiet in church?" Annie replied, "Because
people are sleeping."
A Sunday School teacher asked her class why Joseph
and Mary took Jesus with them to Jerusalem. A small
child replied: "They couldn't get a baby sitter."
A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten
Commandments with her five and six year olds. After
explaining the commandment to "honor thy father and
thy mother," she asked "Is there a commandment that
teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?"
Without missing a beat one little boy answered, "Thou
shall not kill."
At Sunday School they were teaching how God created
everything, including human beings. Little Johnny
seemed especially intent when they told him how Eve was
created out of one of Adam's ribs. Later in the week his
mother
noticed him lying down as though he were ill, and said,
"Johnny, what is the matter?" Little Johnny responded,
"I have a pain in my side. I think I'm going to have a
wife."
Two boys were walking home from Sunday school after
hearing a strong preaching on the devil. One said to the
other, "What do you think about all this Satan stuff?"
The other boy replied, "Well, you know how Santa Claus
turned out. It's probably just your dad."
Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl
whispered to her mother, "Why is the bride dressed in
white?" "Because white is the color of happiness, and
today is the happiest day of her life." The child thought
about this for a moment, then said, "So why is the groom
wearing black?"
A little girl, dressed in her Sunday best, was running as
fast as she could, trying not to be late for Bible class. As
she ran she prayed, "Dear Lord, please don't let me be
late! Dear Lord, please don't let me be late!" While she
was running and praying, she tripped on a curb and fell,
getting her clothes dirty and tearing her dress. She got
up, brushed herself off, and started running again. As
she ran she once again began to pray, "Dear Lord, please
don't let me be late...But please don't shove me either!"
A little girl became restless as the preacher's sermon
dragged on and on. Finally, she leaned over to her
mother and whispered, "Mommy, if we give him the
money now, will he let us go?"
Three boys are in the school yard bragging about their
fathers. The first boy says, "My Dad scribbles a few
words on a piece of paper, he calls it a poem, they give
him $50." The second boy says, "That's nothing. My Dad
scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a
song, they give him $100." The third boy says, "I got you
both beat. My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of
paper, he calls it a sermon. And it takes eight people to
collect all the money!"
An elderly woman died last month. Having never married,
she requested no male pallbearers. In her handwritten
instructions for her memorial service, she wrote, "They
wouldn't take me out while I was alive, I don't want them
to take me out when I'm dead.
A Sunday school teacher asked the children just before
she dismissed them to go to church, "And why is it
necessary to be quiet in church?" Annie replied, "Because
people are sleeping."
A Sunday School teacher asked her class why Joseph
and Mary took Jesus with them to Jerusalem. A small
child replied: "They couldn't get a baby sitter."
A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten
Commandments with her five and six year olds. After
explaining the commandment to "honor thy father and
thy mother," she asked "Is there a commandment that
teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?"
Without missing a beat one little boy answered, "Thou
shall not kill."
At Sunday School they were teaching how God created
everything, including human beings. Little Johnny
seemed especially intent when they told him how Eve was
created out of one of Adam's ribs. Later in the week his
mother
noticed him lying down as though he were ill, and said,
"Johnny, what is the matter?" Little Johnny responded,
"I have a pain in my side. I think I'm going to have a
wife."
Two boys were walking home from Sunday school after
hearing a strong preaching on the devil. One said to the
other, "What do you think about all this Satan stuff?"
The other boy replied, "Well, you know how Santa Claus
turned out. It's probably just your dad."
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